Fallen off the wagon

Here it is. I admit it. I have fallen off the wagon in recent weeks, and this is partially due to my constant search for employment, but mostly due to my depression. I’ve let myself fall into a bottomless sinkhole of mediocrity and complacence and have lost sight of what my goal was, and why I wanted to achieve it in the first place. I realize that instant forgiveness should be practiced and I should simply dust myself off and move forward; which is what I’ll do. I can’t help but think that there is some emotional block I’m having, a block that perpetuates this need for self sabotage.  I unfortunately do know know what that block is. I do know that my drive to succeed has been rekindled and I will work hard to start over. Thank you to Amy who has been so supportive in helping me realize where I am, and where I want to be. Moving forward to reach my potential. 

Sean

Staying the Course and patience

I’m sorry I have not posted in a while, but this has be a rather unremarkable however many days its been since my last post. I have realized though, I have not been working out as efficiently as I could be. There is nothing wrong with working out with machines, but I have been finding out, that free weights are simply better all round. They make you work harder, and give you a better result. They are also much more fun to use. Those of you who know me, know that I am not a patient man. I am a little disheartened by the small scale of progress I have been making, but perhaps this will be a test to teach me patience. Things are going well, I am on a track toward success and I simply need to stay the course, not matter how brutally slow it seems. My eating has improved dramatically thanks to my love, Amy, and I am encouraged to stay the course from all of you. Though a special thank you to my Sworn Brother, Scott Padley, who has been there for me in my times of need, coping with the challenges weight loss has presented to me thus far. 

When something interesting happens in terms of my progress you will be the first to know

Sean

Little Goals On The Road To Bigger Goals

What I have been noticing over the last few days has helped me a great deal in terms of setting goals. I’ve noticed that with smaller goals success comes easier. Although the major goal is still present, I feel that completing the smaller goals are ultimately working toward my larger goal, and thus I  don’t have to worry about the larger goal all the time. For example, I work out on the elliptical, usually for half hour time periods when I go to the gym. I know the calorie counters on those things are inaccurate or imprecise; however the simple increase of calories burned through the session motivates me to work harder each time I go. I try to burn 25 more calories than the time before every time I go.  So far i have been successful and I feel great about it. Today in my half hour cardio session on the elliptical, I managed to burn 475 calories. These small goals give me something to work for other than the imaginary promise of 6 pack abs that have always taunted and teased me in my past attempts of working out. My little goals expand from not only my cardio but also to my weight training. I try to lift one more rep than last time every time I go to the gym. Yesterday I lifted 50 pounds for bicep curls 10 reps per set. My goal is to lift 50 pounds for biceps curls for 11 reps for set. When i reach 12 reps per set i will attempt a heavier weight, but until then the challenge of lifting even one more rep per set gets me motivated enough to keep going back. I’ve always known i was a competitive person, and most of the time it can be detrimental. This is once case I believe my over zealous nature is a virtue rather than a vice. I hate losing. I hate losing so much. Having something to work toward is great!

I’m hoping I can find new smaller goals to keep me going in all of my work outs.

P.S I won’t lie to you. today I ate fairly badly…. I went to the gym, but ate badly….. I’m not perfect, I’m trying, we’re all entitled to screw up every now and then.

sorry 😦

Sean

Little Triumphs

When I was going to school at Studio 58, my movement teacher, C Lee,  always used to say: “Always look for your little T’s and be thankful for them, and be proud of them” What she meant by that is look for the little triumphs you have in your day to day life, and in all the things you accomplish. Be proud that you are making progress, no matter how small it seems. As you know this has not been the easiest thing for me to start, and I think it time to recognize some of my “little T’s” as C. Lee would say. Today at the gym I ran half an hour on the elliptical on the weight loss program, since starting it has become loads easier to complete and often do not feel as tired by the end of the cycle. I can now complete the half hour on the elliptical and still do a solid upper body weight work out after.  I have gone up more than 10 pounds on all of my upper body weight exercises in the last week and a half and feel like i have a solid routine plan. I have created a super great work out playlist on my ipod. Not only that, but I stepped on the scale today (not sure what possessed me to do so) and found that it said I weighed 236.8 pounds. For those of you who have been reading, you’ll know that when I began working out and took my weight and measurements, my weight was 140 pounds. I’m not sure if the scale was faulty, or if those four pounds were simply water weight, or if I am legitimately lighter. Whatever the reason is, I am thankful I can see some progress, no matter how small it seems. The trick will be to keep with it, even when no progress appears to have been made.

Keep thankful, and Keep your eye on the prize.

Small things I’ve Noticed

Over the last few days, there are a number of things that I have noticed that I  had not anticipated. Specifically the cravings,  I know I should have probably seen it coming, but alas I didn’t. I  now  understand the needs of crack addicts a bit better. Junk food is my heroin. I might as well tie a rubber tube to my arm and inject sugar directly into my blood stream.  I am finding it difficult to forgive myself  knowingly injecting my metaphorical fix.  I know that instant forgiveness will be paramount if I am to continue my journey, but how does one go about doing that? A small slap on the wrist? “Oh thats o.k Sean, don’t do that, o.k bud?” or a sterner method perhaps? All I know is I knowingly ingest things that are bad for my health. Does that not boggle your mind?! Think of it this way: We as a human race are self destructive. Why? It makes no logical sense!  yet we do it all the time! Drinking a pop, smoking a cigarette, deliberately provoking your girlfriend to see what kind of reaction she will give you and seeing how far you can go before you die. We must love the thrill of seeing how far we can go before it catches up to us. If you think about it like that, it’s stupid! “Oh man, you wanna see how fat and out of shape you can get before you get a heart attack?!” “Oh Shit yeah bud, that sounds awesome!” No! That’s the dumbest thing in the entire world!  It doesn’t make any sense! We do it on purpose!  That has to be solely a human trait. We as a species are stupid. We’re stupid, we know we’re stupid, and yet we continue making the same mistakes over and over and over again…….

 

Though on the bright side I went to the gym 5 days  this week, and plan to go tomorrow. Silver lining I suppose.

It is difficult. Small things to start in regards to diet, change one thing at a time is the plan. Drink only water, tea and coffee.

Hopefully it will get easier and I will be less dumb.

 

Body and Measurements

As this marks the start of my weight loss journey, I figured I would take a before photo of my body. I will also post my measurements so I know where I started and where I need to go from here.

 

Before Photo

My measurements are as thus:   Weight: 240 pounds Height: 6’0 Chest: 18 Across back: 18 Diaphragm: 46.5 Waist: 41′ high hip: 44′ Bicept:  16 forearm: 12 wrist: 12 Thigh: 27 Calf:  17 Ankle: 11.5

 

Also 40 minutes of Cardio today
30 mins on the eliptical

10 on the treadmill

Beginning The Journey

It is rare, in life, that we are blessed with all the qualities found admirable and remarkable. It is much more common that we find ourselves possessing a certain set of vices that stifle us, prevent us from attaining success, and wrack our inner consciousness to the point of throwing in the metaphorical towel and so cowardly submitting ourselves to a life of mediocrity and crippling self doubt that  plagues our day to day existence. There are things in my life that I wish to change. There are things in my life that I wish to learn, things I wish to see, and places I wish to go. The only thing that is preventing me from living a truly remarkable life, is simply my own irrational fears of failure or success  (I’m not quite sure which, both are equally terrifying)  but  why can’t I live a life to be proud of? Why can’t I reach my potential? Why must I live a life of “what ifs” Instead of reveling  in the joy of doing what makes me happy. I want to bask in the sunlight and feel proud of who I have become, and what I can accomplish.

I have recently had the strong and bitter epiphany that I am unhappy with certain aspects of my life. I am ashamed of how I look. I consistently sit back and watch my friends and family succeeding, working, and trying their damnedest to be all they can be, and all I can think are jealous thoughts. I think  thoughts of envy, and thoughts of contempt for myself  because I am angry that I do not have the balls to simply do what I want to do. I believe that we only have one chance to live the life we want and because of that I  I have decided to stop living a life of “what ifs” Stop the malicious thoughts, and simply be happy for those around me. I have decided to do what will make me happy and reach my potential. It is my goal to live the life I wish to live, and what better time to begin than right now?

My first goal, and the first step in reaching my potential is simply to fix all the parts of my life i have so shamefully neglected. There is a saying; If you do not have your health, what do you have? I have neglected my health like a broken childhood toy. I have tossed my fitness into the refuse pile of unwanted treasures. It is strange how things can change so dramatically in such a short period of time. Six years ago I was fit, active, and happy with the way I looked. I participated in Dance, Karate, Swiming,  Community Theatre and went to the gym without fail. I weighed 185 pounds of untamed fury and unbridled sexuality. Now I weigh 240 pounds of pumpkin pie left over from last night’s dungeon’s and dragons night.

It is my goal to return to my peak weight of 185 pounds. It will be difficult, and it will not be comfortable and it will take a long time; but the offer of being able to sculpt my body into a tool that will allow me to do whatever I want to do, is much to sweet to pass up. I have been unhappy with my weight for a while now, but it was not until last week when I caught dirty looks on the bus from a lady who looked like she was just released from a military training camp in Russia, that I realized how unhappy I was with myself. It is not entirely about looks that I wish to change my weight. In fact that is only one SMALL factor in the equation. My Health and happiness is my main concern, though looking like an underwear model for Abercrombie and Fitch is not necessarily a downside.

My first goal- Weight Loss. 240 pounds down to 185.

I look forward to sharing my journey toward health and happiness with you all. Please stay in touch. Your encouragement, support and advice will be paramount.

Thank you all

Sean